Rediscovering Us: Keeping Our Friendship Strong After Kids
- Paige Wood
- May 25
- 9 min read
Updated: Nov 1
"The moment my husband and I held our baby for the first time, our world shifted. It was a profound, beautiful, and utterly life-altering experience. What often gets less airtime, however, is how dramatically this tiny human can transform a relationship or marriage.
Before diapers, before sleepless nights, before this whole identity shift into "parents," my husband and I were just... friends. We had our own inside jokes, shared goofy hobbies, and spent hours just talking about anything and everything. Then parenthood arrived, and suddenly, most conversations revolved around feeding schedules, milestones, and who's on diaper duty next. While being "Mom" and "Dad" is incredible and fulfilling, we quickly realized we really missed being us – the friends who fell in love.
It's incredibly easy for your relationship to take a backseat once you become parents. One minute you're partners in crime, the next you're just... partners in diaper changes and feeding schedules. But neglecting that vital foundation of friendship, laughter, and shared interests can leave you feeling incredibly disconnected, even when you're sitting right next to each other on the couch. Nurturing that original spark is just as vital as any planned date night."
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The Friendship Shift in Parenthood: What We Noticed
When our little one arrived, my husband and I quickly realized our friendship had taken a bit of a hit. Suddenly, finding time for just us felt nearly impossible, and the constant exhaustion definitely didn't help. We noticed our conversations shifting, and our roles as "Mom and Dad" often overshadowed the "friends" we used to be. Here's why our friendship often felt like it took a hit after our baby arrived:
Time Deficit: Pure and simple. There were just so many fewer moments for spontaneous chats, shared activities, or just hanging out without a baby needing something. Our free time vanished!
Role Overload: "Parent" became our dominant identity, and I often felt like it overshadowed "partner" and "friend." It's like we put on these new uniforms and forgot our old clothes.
Fatigue: Oh, the exhaustion! When you're constantly running on fumes, engaging in deep conversation or playful banter felt like way too much effort. We just didn't have the energy.
All-Consuming Focus: Our baby became the center of our universe, and understandably so. But we realized it could inadvertently push our connection as a couple to the periphery if we weren't careful.
"Recognizing these shifts was the very first step for us toward reclaiming our shared joy because it allowed us to understand what was actually happening instead of just feeling lost or resentful. When you're in the thick of it, it's easy to blame each other or think something is fundamentally wrong with your relationship. But for us, once we could name the challenges – like the lack of time, the overwhelming fatigue, or simply having our focus entirely on our baby – it stopped being a personal failing and started being a common parenting struggle we could tackle together. It helped us move from "What's wrong with us?" to "How can we work through this?" Knowing why things felt different gave us a starting point and a shared goal to get back to being us. We quickly realized that if we wanted to keep our friendship strong, and get back to feeling like ourselves, and not just "Mom" and "Dad", we'd need to be intentional about it.
Here are several strategies that we've personally used and found incredibly helpful in rediscovering each other amidst the beautiful chaos of family life."
Rekindling the Spark of Friendship: Our Approach
Reminisce Often: My husband and I have found that looking back at our shared history – from funny early dating stories to beautiful wedding memories – is one of the quickest ways to reignite our spark. It reminds us of the journey we've been on and the incredible connection that started it all.
We absolutely love looking through old photos, talking about our early dating days, or just reminiscing about our wedding. Reminding ourselves of our shared history always helps to reignite that spark. After our daughter was born, my mother-in-law gave us this amazing Personalised Story of Us Relationship Timeline Memory Map Print from Etsy, marking all the significant dates in our relationship – the day we met, our first date, getting engaged, our wedding, and of course, our little one's arrival. It's such a beautiful visual reminder of our shared journey and all the milestones we've celebrated together.
Just recently, we actually started a new little ritual with our Q&A a Day: 3-Year Journal for 2 People. Each night, or whenever we have a quiet moment, we answer a new question, and it's been such a fun way to spark conversations, laugh at old memories, and even discover new things about each other, even after all this time. It’s incredibly engaging and helps us document our evolving story together.
For other personalized memories, we've also found creating custom photo books with Mixbook or Shutterfly Photo Books to be such a precious way to revisit our favorite memories. We've made one for each year of our marriage, and flipping through them together after our little one is asleep is a perfect, cozy trip down memory lane!
Reconnecting Through Shared Hobbies (While Baby’s in Good Hands): We are always asking ourselves, What did we absolutely love doing together before baby?" Or sometimes, even better, "Is there something totally new we both want to try?" Rekindling that shared spark through hobbies, old or new, has been such a fun way to reconnect.
One of our favorite low-effort, high-connection rituals has been cozying up on the couch after bedtime with our MasterClass Subscription. We started watching it on a whim, and now it’s kind of our thing. We’ve learned storytelling tips from Neil Gaiman, watched Annie Leibovitz break down photography in a way that’s actually understandable, and even dabbled in cooking and music classes. It’s sparked real conversation—and even a few playful debates! It feels like we’re feeding our minds and our relationship at the same time, and we never even have to change out of our sweats.
Sometimes the best way to reconnect is to simply step out of your everyday routine and try something fresh—especially on nights when grandparents, a close friend, or a trusted sitter can step in. That little window of freedom? Gold. That's how we were able to use our Tinggly Experience Gift Box—it started as a gift we received, and now it’s something we love to gift others too. If you haven’t heard of it, Tinggly is this amazing service that lets you give someone the gift of an experience, rather than more “stuff.” You pick a themed gift box (like spa escapes, foodie adventures, or thrill-seeking experiences), and the recipient gets to choose any one experience from hundreds of curated options in over 100 countries. It’s beautifully packaged, totally flexible, and doesn’t expire—aka perfect for parents who never know what their schedule’s going to look like.
We ended up choosing a local tasting tour and honestly had the best time. No planning stress, no pressure to book right away—we were able to schedule it exactly when it worked for our unpredictable life. That flexibility? Absolutely priceless. And just recently, we used our "date night hall pass" to book a Classpop! If you haven’t heard of them, Classpop! is a super easy way to discover and book creative, hands-on classes—either in-person or online. Whether it’s cooking, painting, dance, or mixology, they make it simple to find something fun and instructor-led without all the hassle.
We signed up for a Thai cooking class and loved how we didn’t have to plan, prep, or clean up—just show up and do something new together. We learned how to make delicious Pad Thai, laughed through our clumsy chopping techniques, and for a couple hours, we weren’t just “Mom and Dad”—we were just us again. It didn’t feel like just a date night... it felt like a tiny adventure.
They also offer fun online classes like a Cocktail Mixology Class or a Sushi Rolling Fundamentals Class—which we’re eyeing for one of those “date nights in” when the baby’s asleep, and we still want something playful and different to do at home.
Sometimes, it’s not even about what you’re doing—it’s just about doing it together.
Prioritize Laughter: Laughter is such a powerful connector for us; it truly is our favorite medicine! We make it a point to inject humor into our daily lives and our time together.
We try to watch a funny movie, send each other silly memes throughout the day, or pull out some lighthearted card games that just spark pure joy. We're Not Really Strangers has been fantastic for deepening conversations and getting to know each other even better through laughter and thoughtful prompts. For some silly, spontaneous fun, Would You Rather? (Couples Edition), can lead to some truly hilarious debates and unexpected insights into each other's minds. We also love sharing funny parenting fails with each other at the end of the day – knowing we're in this crazy ride together, and can laugh about it, makes everything better!
Our Top Amazon: Wedding/Bridal Gift Ideas
Invest in "Friendship Tools": Just like we have parenting tools (hello, baby carrier!), we've learned to invest in resources that truly help nurture our connection and keep the fun alive.
We've found that an online cocktail class from Uncommon Goods is a fantastic "friendship tool" for us. We absolutely love setting aside an evening after our daughter's asleep to join a virtual class and learn to craft new drinks together. It’s a fun, low-key way to unwind and feel a little fancy without leaving the house! We love pretending we're at a swanky bar, experimenting with different flavors and techniques right in our own kitchen.
For those quiet moments where we want to delve into deeper conversation without the pressure, The Adventure Challenge: Couple's Edition has been a blast. It’s a scratch-off book filled with surprise date ideas – some you do at home, some out – and each one encourages spontaneity and a new shared memory. It's truly helped us break out of our routine!
We also recently discovered how much fun an at-home mystery game kit, like those from Hunt A Killer, can be for us. After our daughter is asleep, we'll set up the clues and spend an evening working together to solve a "cold case." It's so engaging because it forces us to communicate, share theories, and truly team up, reminding us how much fun we have problem-solving together. It's a perfect blend of entertainment and collaboration!
Create Your Cozy Zone: Once our little one has finally drifted off to dreamland, creating a peaceful, inviting atmosphere for just the two of us becomes our little slice of heaven.
We often start by setting the mood with soft lighting and the calming glow of candles– it makes our space feel instantly more inviting and special. It's in these quiet moments that my husband and I truly reconnect. Sometimes, that means putting on some soft, mellow music from our favorite playlist and just talking, maybe with a special glass of wine we discovered through a convenient delivery service like Winc, letting the day's stresses melt away. There's nothing quite like snuggling up on the couch under a super soft and cozy blanket after a long day. It instantly signals "relaxation time" for both of us. We also make sure to have extra comfy pillows on hand, so we can truly sink in and just be together.
Other times, we'll dive into a good movie. There's nothing quite like cuddling up on the couch for a good Rom-Com to unwind. I absolutely love our Dash electric popcorn maker. It's truly a fantastic addition to movie night. It's super convenient to use, just pop in the kernels, flip a switch, and in minutes, you have perfectly fluffy popcorn. And the best part, the top flips over and becomes the popcorn bowl! It just makes our movie nights so much more fun!
"Our relationship with each other is truly the foundation of our family. While the "Mom and Dad" hats are wonderful and take up most of our time, I never want to forget the incredible friendship that brought us together in the first place. By intentionally nurturing that connection, we're not just strengthening our marriage; we're also modeling a loving, joyful partnership for our children. Go on, grab your partner and remember how much fun you are together! teamwork and communication that can be incredibly insightful for strengthening that joint front."
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